


Deserving

by GentleGiraffe



Category: Twin Peaks
Genre: Dale Cooper/Caroline Earle (mentioned) - Freeform, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Lodge dodge, M/M, Post Season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 22:19:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15981677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GentleGiraffe/pseuds/GentleGiraffe
Summary: Cooper is having a hard day and Harry makes sure he's there to comfort him.





	Deserving

Dale Cooper was always the first one awake. 

Harry loved waking up to the view of Coop meditating on the floor next to the bed. In the first blurry moments after sleep, when he was still blinking his eyes open and getting his bearings, Dale was the one to anchor him. Harry would prop his head up on his arm and take in the beautiful sight of the silent man, sitting with perfect posture and a gentle sense of calm on his face. Dale had tried to get Harry to meditate with him but Harry could be a little stubborn. And besides—watching Dale’s chest rise and fall with each breath, getting to simply take in the man’s ruffled hair and peaceful smile—why, that was the most grounding thing in the world.

But today was different. 

When Harry stirred, the first thing he noticed was that Dale was next to him in bed. And, while this was usually a wonderful thought, it was the unusualness of the situation that caught him off guard. Judging by the sunlight in the room it was definitely morning. But, maybe meditation didn’t need to happen every day. 

Harry moved over to snuggle up next to Dale, and that was when the second alarm bell went off. Dale was normally a pretty relaxed sleeper, often throwing an arm back over his head or dangling a foot off the edge of the bed. Now, though, his entire body was rigid and tense. He was curled up tight, clutching the sheets around him in his hands. 

“Dale?” Harry whispered, concerned.  
No response.

Harry gently kissed the side of his head, behind his ear, and saw Dale’s eyes flutter slightly. “Hon?” 

Dale didn’t say anything but he shifted, somehow drawing himself even tighter. 

Harry could feel nerves knotting up in the pit of his stomach as he wrapped his arms around Dale, pulling him close. Dale didn’t relax in the slightest, didn’t fold himself into Harry’s body as he normally would. Harry gently rubbed Dale’s arm, and wrapped his hand over one of Dale’s fists, rubbing his thumb back and forth over Dale’s hand. “Hon what’s going on?” 

Dale shook his head slightly. “I can’t-“ he started weakly, and then trailed off. 

“Was it a dream you had? It’s okay Dale, you’re safe. I’m here.” Harry pressed a kiss to Dale’s jaw, and then a couple more, moving down his jawline. “I’m here.” 

Dale turned his head away and clenched his teeth together. His breathing was becoming noticeably ragged, shallow. 

Harry grew increasingly more worried. He propped himself up so he could lean over Dale and saw how tightly his eyes were squeezed shut. Dale was trying to keep the world out right now. Trying to keep Harry out. With probably a little more force than necessary, than he intended, Harry spoke sharply, “Dale? What can I do?”

It was another quick couple of breaths before Dale spoke again, and what he said struck Harry right in the heart. “Leave.”

“Dale I-“

“Please,” Dale followed up, weakly. 

Leaving Dale alone in this state was exactly the last thing Harry wanted right now. He wanted to hold Dale in his arms indefinitely, protecting him from whatever awful thing he was experiencing. He wanted to keep him safe. He didn’t want him to be in pain. But Dale didn’t want him right now. 

Harry pressed a kiss to Dale’s cheek, whispering an “I love you” before detangling himself from the sheets and shuffling out of bed. 

He took one last look at the form in the bed. Dale was almost shaking from the tension he was holding inside of him and it broke Harry to see him like this. But, resolute, he did what he had been asked, and left the room. 

\----------------------------------------

 

Harry went into the kitchen, his mind racing as he made a pot of coffee. Every noise he made felt like it echoed through the entire house, loudly reverberating, hitting Coop’s tense body and worsening the situation. In the months they’d lived together Harry had never seen anything like this. Coop got sad sometimes, got contemplative about a case, angry that something didn’t turn out in the most ideal manner, but he never seemed this closed off. He never stayed in bed. 

As the coffee was percolating, Harry went to phone Hawk. He felt bad missing a day of work, but the town had gone back to its quiet self lately and taking care of Dale was much more important to him. He couldn’t believe how worried he was. 

Harry decided to quickly whip up some eggs and toast also, and then brought the food and coffee back into the bedroom. Evidently the noises and smells didn’t stir Coop in the slightest. He was in the exact same position Harry had left him in. Eyes closed, body clenched, breathing shallow. 

Placing everything down on the side table next to the bed, Harry slowly sat down on the bed next to Dale. He brushed his fingers up through Dale’s hair and softly kissed his forehead. “I brought you some coffee.”  
Dale remained silent but didn’t ask Harry to leave again, which was a good sign. 

Tentatively, Harry tried again. “Can you tell me what’s going on? I want to help you.” 

“I’m sorry Harry, I shouldn’t be dragging you into this.”

Harry felt relief that Coop finally spoke a full sentence, but he didn’t like the sound of it at all. “What are you talking about? You’re not dragging me into anything. I want to be here. I want to be here with you.”  
Dale took a big breath, something that clearly took him a lot of effort. “Harry…” He opened his eyes and Harry could see they were wet with tears he had probably been trying to hold back. “Harry, it’s Caroline’s birthday.” 

Instantly Harry felt like he had been plunged into ice water. Like he had fallen off his fishing boat, and was met with a shocking chill. An increased heart rate. Heightened senses. Harry couldn’t believe he hadn’t known. He wasn’t sure if it had ever come up. His heart ached. He knew this feeling. Josie. 

Harry shifted so that he was sitting up behind Coop, and pulled the still-tense man into his lap so that he was half lying down, half leaning against his chest. He hugged Dale tight to him. Hugged him and hugged him and didn’t let go. This time Dale didn’t protest. He didn’t soften, but he didn’t fight. Tears began to leak out of his eyes, and Harry held him. 

 

It seemed they stayed like that for hours. Dale silently crying and Harry keeping a strong grip on him. Every time Harry tried to speak the words didn’t feel right, so he just kept quiet and rested his head on Dale’s. Dale would talk when he was able to. And eventually, softly, in pain, he did. 

“Harry I can’t believe she doesn’t get to celebrate her birthday because of me.”

“Because of Earle, Dale.” Harry squeezed harder but Dale shook his head vigorously. 

“Because of me. I was supposed to be keeping watch. I was supposed to be keeping her safe! She trusted me. She trusted me…” 

“You did your best.”

Dale shook his head again and sat up to free himself from Harry’s embrace. “Don’t insult me, that wasn’t my best and you know it. I was weak Harry, I let my guard down. She’s dead because of me.” 

This time Harry kept quiet, his heart heavy for the amount of guilt Dale was feeling. Dale was the strongest, kindest man that Harry had ever met. He was so gentle to others, but so hard on himself. 

Quietly, almost imperceptibly, Dale spoke again. “People get hurt when I care about them. First Caroline but then Audrey, and Annie, and…” Dale trailed off. 

Harry placed his hand on Dale’s shoulder but Dale didn’t turn around. He put his head down, staring at the bed. “Harry I can’t let you get hurt too.” 

“You won’t, Coop.” 

“Bad luck follows me, Harry. It’s connected to me. It followed me into this town and it would follow me right out. I’m a fool for thinking I could have a peaceful life here.” 

“Coop, look at me.” Finally Coop turned around, meeting Harry’s dark eyes with his own, tear stained ones. “You’re safe here. We’re safe here. I promise you.” Harry spoke with such a heartfelt conviction. He needed Dale to believe him. He needed to believe himself. He wouldn’t let anything happen to Coop, and he knew damn well he would make sure nothing happened to himself, either. 

“I’m selfish for staying here.” Dale looked down again. “I’m selfish for involving you.” 

Harry inched closer to Dale, used his hand to tilt Dale’s face back up until their eyes met again. “I love you, Dale Cooper. If you’re selfish for involving me, I’m selfish for wanting to be involved.” 

“I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you.” 

“Don’t say that. You deserve happiness, Dale. You deserve good things. You deserve to feel safe and calm. You deserve the smell of the pine trees and all the pie in the world. And if I make you happy, then you deserve me too.” 

Dale almost smiled, as more tears welled up in his eyes. “You would have loved Caroline.”

“I’m sure I would have.” 

Harry gathered Dale back into his arms. Holding him close, willing him to feel safe and loved, willing some of the guilt to leave him be. Harry hugged him as tight as he could. And this time, Dale hugged him back.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been binging Twin Peaks for the last couple weeks and I've completely fallen in love with the story and the characters. This is my first work for the fandom, lemme know what you think! :)


End file.
